Tasting Ryan
by roswellwbfan
Summary: Thanks to reviewers! Seth has suffered from insomnia since Ryan and Trey's duel with death. As he struggles with sleep deprivation he comes up with a new ritual that leaves him questioning. SethRyan nonexplicit slash
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Josh and the team own the boys, and I promise to put them back when I'm done playing.

Spoilers: Through Season Two

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who's reading.

Seth padded into the den, stubbing his toe on the doorjamb as he entered.

"Motherf-" he cried out before shoving his fist in his mouth, trying to swallow it and the rest of the curse. He held his breath for a long moment, awaiting discovery, and just before he was sure he was turning blue as a Smurf he released the mouthful of air and stood quietly for another long moment.

He hated insomnia, he really did. It had been a while since he had been suffering like this, though. The last time it was this bad was when he was thirteen and had snuck into the latest Nightmare on Elm Street at the movieplex. He had been unable to sleep at night for two weeks, instead napping during study hall and on the couch before dinner, only to awake screaming something about Captain Oats or Summer. He squinted as his mind tried to recall one of the hazy images. Maybe Summer doing something to Captain Oats? Dressed as Freddy Kruger?

Seth shivered at that image, and could just hear Summer lay into him: "Ew! Cohen! Red, green, and _brown_? Not to mention that fedoras are like, so swing kid wannabe. And don't get me started on the skin care neglect going on there. If you ever think about me like that again I will unleash the mother of all rage blackouts!"

He snarled in the dark as he contemplated that it was worse having insomnia since Ryan had moved in, in a way. Which was really irritating since under severe torture he'd be more likely to confess to having a sex dream about Julie Cooper (Cooper-Nichol, he corrected while struggling to control his gag reflex) than to anything being worse since Ryan.

Ryan was simply the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Not that he was a thing, mind you. Although he punched pretty hard so it was entirely possible that he was at least part bionic. That would be awesome, Seth thought. Although maybe not so much if there was a possibility of rusting.

Before Ryan (pre-life Cohen, he liked to call it) whenever Seth had insomnia he had no one to turn to, no one to distract him. He had to deal with it himself, and as with most things he liked other people to deal with himself. It was a proven fact that left by himself to deal with himself things went to the bad place very quickly.

But that was the way things were, and as far as Seth had known, it was the way they'd always be. When Ryan moved in suddenly he had someone who could distract him when he had bouts of insomnia. Not to mention distract him when he had homework, yet another time when it was helpful to have him around. Although if he was being honest with himself Ryan didn't really let Seth get distracted about his homework, not so much.

More like Ryan did his homework while Seth complained about not wanting to do his homework. Actually, as he thought about it, he was more likely nowadays to do his homework so he and Ryan could get down to some Seth/Ryan time quicker.

Well, as far as the insomnia went Ryan distracted him for as long as he could possibly keep his eyes open. It would seriously creep Ryan out to know that sometimes Seth stayed in the pool house watching him sleep after Ryan had crashed, trying and failing to stay up all night or convince Seth to sleep.

Which is why it was something that Ryan would never ever ever ever find out about. It was in The Vault. Locked up, sealed tight. There was no breaking in. Not even Brad Pitt and George Clooney could come up with a scheme to get The Vault open. It didn't matter how many oceans they employed…

God, he hated insomnia.

But tonight, given everything that had happened, it seemed unfair for Ryan to have to be burdened with something else. It was a little over two weeks since the shooting, a little over two weeks since Seth had heard the gun go off, thought it was Ryan, and had almost died at the thought. He had raced through the door expecting to see Ryan on the floor, bullet hole in his chest, blood seeping everywhere.

He hadn't seen it then, but he did now -- every time he closed his eyes. Hence the insomnia. Which he absolutely, positively wasn't going to bother Ryan with.

While he was congratulating himself on his display of selflessness a thought he had been repressing snuck up upon him, reminding him of another reason why he wasn't going to bother Ryan with this latest bout of insomnia. It seemed silly and also dangerous to have Ryan help when Ryan himself was again the cause.

Which wasn't exactly fair, since Ryan knew nothing about what he had done. Either time. And technically speaking, if you were going to get technical then yes, ok, fine—Ryan had not even been there for the last thing. And thank Moses he hadn't been there because oh god in heaven the laughter, the squirming, and the abject weeping were all things that yes, were in Seth's head but…wait, what was he talking about?

Ah yes, Ryan's reaction to what he'd done. Ryan's _imaginary_ reaction, his rational side reminded him in a world-weary voice that sounded a lot like Ryan. _You see?_ He thought to himself…_this is what I'm talking about! When did my inner-voice start to sound like Ryan? And why? _

Oh no! Not again! Whoa nelly! Horse, rapper, whatever you are, whoa! These were the thoughts, this was the bad place, this was the lure of the dark side, and dammit, he had seen Star Wars enough times that you'd think the Force would have rubbed off on him and he'd be able to stop this train of thoughts before it derailed or something.

He had to stop thinking about Ryan for like 0.02 seconds because it just needed to _stop_.

"I need to stop thinking about Ryan," Seth blurted out before wheeling around, afraid he had once again blurted something out without thinking and that Ryan had heard him. Which was absurd, right, except that Ryan had like these mad stealth skills. He was just like the spider from _Lord of the Rings_, one minute Frodo thinks he's alone and then - _stab!_ Seth couldn't even count anymore the number of times he'd been talking out loud to himself only to turn around and discover Ryan was there.

Thankfully that usually only lead to a minor heart attack and then a really lame attempt on Seth's part to pretend that he knew Ryan was there all along. And it just went to show how great Ryan was that he usually let Seth get away with it.

Not that Ryan was generally like a spider, really. For starters he had about six less legs, well four if you were counting his arms as like appendages in general. Plus, his eyes weren't eerie pools of black, threatening to hold you captive until you got stabbed, again, by the stabbing thing the spider had. Did all spiders have the spider stabbing thing? Or was that totally a Peter Jackson thing? Seth shook his head to clear it, only to pick the thread back up a nanosecond later.

Ryan didn't have the stabbing thing anyway, although he did have a punching thing so maybe that balanced out? The spider was definitely a lot hairier than Ryan, who even with his shirt off just had like this dusting of hair really. Not that Seth had been like staring at Ryan, counting the number of hairs on him or anything. That would take the disturbing factor up to a level heretofore unknown. It was bad enough that Seth rarely remembered to turn around when Ryan was changing.

Plus the spider was like really overweight, in Seth's opinion, which made it all the more amazing that she could hightail it like she could, and that was a pretty big difference because Ryan wasn't overweight at all, in fact he was in like perfect shape. And he was…

"Ugh! Can we stop? Let's get Ryan off and get…" he trailed off and hung his head, walking further into the room and plopping himself down at his dad's desk.

Maybe it was better if he didn't speak. It seemed as though this was happening more and more lately. This tendency to say things of a sexual nature about Ryan. Not to mention think things. Wait a minute…_unintentionally_ say and think things like that, he amended while wiping at his cheeks to see if he could get rid of the blush that now stained them.

Because he really wasn't trying to lose his mind on purpose, it was just the way the universe had it planned.

The past few weeks had seen Seth's inner monologue change to suddenly include all sorts of innuendos and frankly sexual phrasing of things concerning Ryan that became immediate visuals.

The night they got back from the hospital with Ryan was the start of it, at least as far as he can remember, although he doesn't actually remember it, he just figures that given what else happened that night, the other reason for his insomnia, it stands to reason.

He had bid his dad good night, watching him trudge upstairs to call his mom and give her the word that Ryan was home.

He couldn't sleep. He hadn't actually tried to, but he knew that the image of a bloody Ryan on the floor was likely to continue to haunt him, as it had done every night since the shooting.

So he set about to distract himself, wanting above all else to go out to the pool house and just like, sit and stare at Ryan all night. Which admittedly was a little higher on the creepiness scale than he usually cared to go but not if it meant assuring himself that Ryan was okay.

But he decided that Ryan would maybe have a heart attack if he came out of his painkiller slumber to see Seth just sitting there, and so in the interest of his best friend's health he decided to wait.

So what was he going to do to wile away the hours until he could go in and give Ryan his next dose of pain medication?

He wandered into the den, looking around for something to do when his dad's cd collection caught his eye. He shook his head. It was like way past time for his dad's assorted works to be updated, Seth thought to himself. I mean, it's almost as bad as Ryan's. All this old stuff that contained lyrics of love, peace, and understanding…not the edgier stuff that…wait.

Wait! WAIT! That was it! Sometimes Seth was truly amazed at his own brilliance. He could listen to some of his dad's stuff, picture the lyrics in his head, and maybe if he couldn't fall asleep to it then at least he could rest his eyes for a while. Plus, the inner mocking he'd get to do should cheer him up a bit. Sure, he'd be talking to himself but hey, Seth had time to kill.

So he crouched down beside the rows of cd's and trailed along them with his finger, reading the titles to himself as he went. He refused to listen to Journey, as it would only make him think of Ryan and then the urge to run out to the pool house to share whatever insights he gained from the cd would overwhelm him. Not that he thought he had a snowball's chance of gaining any insights from Journey, but he really wanted to see Ryan and thus the option was best left unchallenged.

Plus he'd have to admit he'd listened to Journey of his own free will, and that was something he was absolutely not prepared to do.

end of chapter one


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Only borrowing.

Spoilers: Through Season Two

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who's reading.

Finally he pulled out a collection of Chicago cd's, remembering as he did watching the Karate Kid and getting a little misty as he heard Peter Cetera's voice singing about the love…not that this was a memory he would ever share, and in fact, it had been in The Vault until that very moment. He turned around sharply; ensuring that no one was bearing witness to his touching of anything 80's related before opening the set.

He picked a cd from the sleeve at random and placed it in the tray before situating himself in the chair at his dad's desk. He laid his head back as the cd loaded. As the first few songs played he amused himself by imagining an infant every time the word 'baby' was used, and a giant letter 'U' danced through his head as well and then came a medley of songs he remembered from the days before he asserted control over the car stereo. As they played he reminded himself to _Look Away_, and then asked _What Kind of Man Would I Be?_ before affirming that _I Don't Wanna Live Without Your Love_, but asked himself afterwards if maybe he was better off and could, in fact, live without them.

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew he saw himself and Ryan driving around together, and he was thirsty but apparently so was Ryan because they both reached for the can of soda in the holder at the same time, and their hands touched, but instead of letting go Ryan threaded his fingers in with Seth's. Seth turned to Ryan and smiled at him, and felt himself blush at the answering smile he saw.

Then suddenly they were laying on the beach, and Seth was trying to touch Ryan, but he couldn't, there was like this force field and it was so thick and Seth knew that it couldn't be good to be enclosed in a bubble like that, I mean, Newport was enough of a bubble for anyone, and Ryan just laid on his back watching Seth, one hand tracing lazy circles on his stomach. Then Ryan smiled and there was like this surge within Seth and he made a final desperate leap, knowing nothing but it was the most important thing in the world to get to Ryan.

Just when Seth broke through the bubble he fell into his own bed, and he turned over to see Ryan next to him, hair sticking up in all directions, sleepily asking him if he was okay. Seth tried to focus, and he nodded his head. Ryan lay back down and Seth just watched him for a second before leaning down to brush his lips across Ryan's, just for the briefest of moments.

He jolted awake, alert and aroused and annoyed. As he looked around his ears caught the tail end of the song currently playing.

_You come to my senses  
I can't stop this ache inside  
Oh, I have no defenses  
You come to my senses  
Oh Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah..._

He hit the back button to restart the song, hoping to explain away the bizarre dream. But as he listened to the lyrics he couldn't help the images of Ryan that this time consciously accompanied the words.

_You come to my senses  
Every time I close my eyes  
I have no defenses  
You come to my senses  
I can't stop this ache inside  
Oh, I have no defenses_

_Oh, I picture you in my arms  
And the touch of your skin  
The smile on your face  
The way that you taste_

Seth groaned as the image of tasting Ryan swept through him. That was going to keep him up for hours. As looked down at his lap he grimaced at his unconscious pun. He was going to be 'up' all right. Why couldn't the thought of tasting Ryan gross him out like it did for…hmmm…okay, this was a bit difficult.

He didn't know anyone who would actually admit to that thought being gross, except maybe Luke or Zach. But when you thought about it Zach gave up on Summer pretty easily really so he figured he should stick with Luke for this analogy, and actually, while he was at it, he should forget he thought of Summer because he was sure she would be highly offended to discover he was in the state he was in due to 'Chino' and not her. Or she would be really turned on…with Summer, you just never knew.

So he went back to his previous thought before realizing that he was intentionally going back to thoughts of tasting Ryan, instead of allowing himself to be distracted by thoughts of Summer. That freaked him out so he decided to just go up to his room, take care of his little problem, and then try to read, draw, or something until it was time to give Ryan his medicine.

As he looked down at himself again he thought it might be best to allow his dad to take the medicine out. He stopped the cd player and went to the door before turning around, walking back, ejecting the disc and marching out the door with it dangling from his finger.

So that had been the start of what now was a nightly ritual. When he was sure everyone else was asleep he came down to the den to listen to Chicago and think of Ryan. Usually he'd start the session by fervently thinking as many non-sexual thoughts as possible where Ryan was concerned.

He replayed their friendship over and over, moment by moment. But inevitably he'd come to some innocuous flash of something they'd done together, and he'd think to himself "Actually, that was kind of hot" and then the floodgates were open and soon Seth was overheated and harder than he'd ever remembered being. If all else failed the moment would come when he re-lived the first time he'd ever walked in on Ryan while he was changing. Which was odd considering the lack of physical reaction at the time. But now Seth thinks it could have been a delayed reaction thing.

He tried to think of other things, non-Ryan things, and sometimes he actually managed it, and no one was more surprised than Seth.

Sometimes he wondered if he were gay, but the thought of Summer in a bikini still did it for him so he figured it maybe was a Ryan-only thing. And maybe it was only a phase. Didn't they say that a lot of people experimented with their sexuality in college? Well maybe Seth was just early, ahead of the curve for once.

Not that Seth was likely to begin acting on any of this, he clarified yet again. While the past few weeks had maybe possibly in someway given him a desire to, he was way too into the friendship he and Ryan had to even think of crossing any sort of line.

No sir, the line was drawn. And it wasn't a really wimpy line in the sand that could just disappear if you so much as sneezed on it. No, this was like a line a prisoner would carve into the solid concrete of his cell wall to mark the days. It was deep, it took time to be made, and it was for all eternity. Or at least until erosion happened or a bulldozer of some sort came trotting along looking for something to knock down.

But it would be nice, Seth thought, to see the other side of the line. If Seth was being honest with himself (and no one was currently around so he figured 'what the heck') then he already could not imagine life without Ryan. He planned every day, no, actually, his whole life, around him. He planned on being Ryan's roommate in college, and could see them living together in an apartment after that.

Seth got up to pace as he thought about this. The weird thing was that he didn't consciously plan for anything to happen, as a rule, ever. And this really wasn't an exception; it just became one of those things that he couldn't ever remember not thinking before.

He couldn't see living with Summer…ever. She had too many issues (not that he didn't but at least his didn't potentially involve accidentally-on-purpose maiming someone.) And while once upon a time he maybe would have thought about Anna as a potential life mate the reality was that they were way too much alike. He couldn't stand to be around himself all the time, how did he think he could live with two of him?

It struck Seth that having a clone would really come in handy in this scenario. The clone could feel Ryan up, er, out about the whole shift in feelings thing. He could be like "Hey, um, dude, so I know this may be coming out of the blue and all but I was just wondering if I could just like…kiss you? I'll make it real quick, I promise. It's to help in a scientific experiment, and you're all about helping out mankind, aren't you? I know you are, and that's why I've come on to you…I mean come to you."

And then if Ryan decided to go all old school he could beat the clone up and then he'd see Seth bruise-free and demand an explanation and Seth could play dumb and apologize for the clone, because it obviously has a defect and Seth has learned his lesson and will never order a clone from the back of a cereal box ever again.

So the only downside to this plan, lack of clone aside, is what happens if Ryan did not go all eye for an eye. What if Ryan like kissed Seth back? Then Seth has to not only get rid of the clone (because seriously, the clone has officially over-stayed its welcome) but then he has to pretend the next time it happens that he remembers what it was like before.

And somehow Seth doesn't think that if he ever did kiss Ryan he'd be able to forget it, let alone pretend it already happened.

Seth plunked himself back down in the chair with a dramatic sigh, and lifted his feet up onto the desk. This whole thing of course was irrelevant anyway seeing as Ryan had a tendency to go for the ladies.

Allowing himself to be distracted by thoughts of women he inwardly cheered like a pom-pom girl for a moment before getting down to some serious rumination of Ryan's relationships. He thought about Marissa, Theresa, and Lindsay. The one thing they all had in common was the fact that they needed Ryan. And really, it was that need that seemed to attract Ryan to the relationship. It was definitely what kept him in the relationships long past the time he should have bailed, that's for sure.

It suddenly struck him that all of those girls had kissed Ryan, and Ryan had kissed them back, held them…touched them. _Huh, I wonder what that's like?_ flew through his head before he could censor it. Before the thoughts of Ryan touching anyone in any way threatened to make him go crazy he skipped ahead to the next track and closed his eyes.

There were so many downsides to this routine that Seth was hard-pressed to know where to begin listing them, although if he actually thought about it discovery by anyone was really at the top of his list.

But the one upside was that Chicago really wasn't popular so he wasn't likely to suddenly be confronted by a daytime encounter with Ryan and Chicago at the same time. Which was a blessing because he wasn't sure he'd be able to explain away the arousal.

Not that he was inherently opposed to ending his nights with an orgasm; in fact, given a poll he'd probably say that was a top choice.

And yet he was deathly afraid that he'd never be able to have that…hmmm…sense of fulfillment?...anymore without thoughts of Ryan. Because he'd read this article once about it taking like 21 times for something to become a habit, and he was like on…what was he on? He took a moment to rejoice both in the fact that he hadn't actually been keeping count (that had to be good, right?) and that he couldn't possibly be near 21 times yet.

And then he groaned as he realized that he had used the word "yet." Meaning that subconsciously at least he thought this wasn't over.

end chapter two


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Only borrowing.

Spoilers: Through Season Two

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who's reading.

To avoid further thoughts of this nature the next night Seth switched cd's altogether. As Dolly Parton started singing _9 to 5 _Seth sighed and swung his legs off the desk. He stacked his fists on top of each other and propped his chin up.

Who was he kidding? It was only a matter of time before he made the decision to put Chicago back in. Maybe he should talk to Ryan about this. Not the fantasizing about him while listening to Chicago part, of course, but the insomnia.

_What if it's just a reaction to the shooting?_ Seth suddenly thought. _Yeah, like some weird form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?_ Only in his case the 'S' stood for Sex? He groaned as he realized that now that this thought had occurred to him he was going to have to do some sort of test to see if it was true or not.

Seth's inner Ryan-sounding voice sighed that this was most definitely going to end up in the bad place.

But it didn't have to go to the bad place. It could just be as easy as talking to Ryan about his insomnia. Seth thought about his previous idea for a moment before nodding to himself. Maybe once Ryan knew Seth was suffering he would say something that would be able to once and for all convince him that Ryan was no longer in any danger. The image of bloody Ryan could be exorcised.

An exorcism! Maybe Ryan could help him perform an exorcism! Seth threw his hands up in the air before it hit him that if they tried to perform an exorcism it would be his luck to do it wrong and invite some kind of demonic spirit to take up residence. It would probably possess Ryan and then Seth would…wait, if it possessed Ryan then maybe that could be the litmus test Seth was looking for!

Because Seth would really have to have some problems if he found Possessed Ryan hot, right? Seriously, if Ryan's skin turned all green and he started puking up pea soup that he'd never eaten…

"Blech," Seth muttered, covering his eyes with his hands in a vain attempt to get the image out of his head.

Seth began to doubt the wisdom of talking to Ryan about his insomnia, fearful now that he would inadvertently blurt out the exorcism idea and its accompanying imagery, and that wouldn't go far in convincing Ryan that Seth is okay.

Ok, so what was the test going to be? He got up to pace, tapping his fingers together against his lips as he moved back and forth. He decided that it was probably best if he pretended that this was a case of him trying to figure out if he liked a girl—and then immediately put the thought of Ryan as a girl into The Vault, deathly afraid that he had somehow telepathied it out to Ryan who was right now as we speak on his way to kick Seth's ass.

Was it different when you were trying to figure out if a dude liked another dude? While fervently praying to whatever deity was on duty tonight Seth decided that it couldn't be that dissimilar, really. You had feelings about them and they tended to change when you were close and away from that person. In a healthy relationship you felt bad when they were away and happy when they were close.

But that didn't really help because Seth would feel that way about Ryan regardless…that was a suitable test for a friend, maybe, but not someone you were having all sorts of lusty wrong thoughts about.

Luckily Seth was no stranger to lusty wrong thoughts and so he ruminated on his own relationships. Back when he was attracted to Summer and Anna—back when he was FIRST attracted to Summer, he hastily corrected himself—how did he know? There had been lots of glances, touches, innuendos and kisses.

Was it fair to compare those relationships to this—this—whatever it was? Not really, because those had both started on the down low, the q-t, whatever the kids were calling it nowadays. Well, actually, he thought, any relationship of a beyond friendship type that he would potentially have with Ryan would start the same way, most likely.

So okay, Ryan was like a girl that way. And Seth felt a chill go down his spine as he opened The Vault in less than ten minutes…never a good sign. Shaking off the feeling of impending doom Seth plopped back down in the chair, laid his arms down on the desk's surface and rested his forehead. The test was clear…He was going to have to invade Ryan's personal space.

But how was he going to do it? Obviously he was going to have to muster all the Stealth that he possessed, but aside from that the big question was really…how was he going to do it without creeping Ryan out?

He could go to the pool house and like sit on Ryan's bed talking to him and then he could just happen to fall asleep—but these days the painkillers were likely to knock Ryan out pretty quickly, and Ryan may not buy it if he woke up the next day to Seth in his bed.

Hmmm, ok, he could like sit closer to him at breakfast and such. He could find an interesting article and then like nudge closer to Ryan with the paper and lean in while he told Ryan all about it. That could work. He could also get more physically into Playstation. There were plenty of opportunities for accidentally-on-purpose touches there—but Seth knew that he got so into Playstation that he could probably be sitting in Ryan's lap and wouldn't notice. Well, that was probably a stretch but that move should be saved for a really special occasion.

He could start handing Ryan things in such a way as to ensure that Ryan's hand had to touch his own. Yes! And he could make sure not to look at Ryan while he did it so Ryan would be unaware that Seth even knew he was doing it! Brilliant!

Seth clenched his hands together, itching to go out to the pool house and put his plan into motion. Easy boy, slow down there, he cautioned himself. Rushing into things gets us nowhere. So let's review.

We have the leaning at breakfast…check. Then there's the subtle handing Ryan things thing…check check. Ooh…he could like put his hand on Ryan's shoulder and be all like "Dude, how are you feeling today? You look a little wiped out."

Yes…those were great places to start. Seth started humming to himself as he imagined all the touching he was going to get to do. Then his eyes widened and he realized what he was doing with the plan, and more importantly, how it was making him feel.

Oh dear. Maybe that test wasn't really necessary after all.

Huh. But maybe he should implement it anyway, just to be on the safe side.

And maybe he should just put the Chicago cd in now and get this over with—_roger that,_ he replied to himself and put Dolly Parton out of her misery.

Ryan shuffled into the kitchen, scratching the back of his neck. He went to the refrigerator to get a glass of water but as he reached for the door he noticed a soft light coming from the den.

He got his water, blinking against the light from the refrigerator, and went to investigate. It was probably Sandy, up doing some work but in case it was Seth, bored and unable to sleep, he figured he could keep him company until his next dose of pain killers kicked in.

But as he yawned he realized that he may not have that much time until they kicked in…he was beat. He heard the music before he reached the door and he stopped to listen to it, knowing who it was in the back of his mind but unable to walk and think at the same time.

It sounded like Chicago, which probably meant it was Sandy and not Seth, because Ryan couldn't imagine Seth listening to Chicago unless something was very wrong.

And it was that thought that made him continue walking. Before the shooting, he wouldn't have given it a second thought, would have in fact hoped for a situation where Seth could be found listening to Chicago so that he could make fun of him.

But since the shooting the fact was that Seth had this haunted look in his eyes, and when Ryan looked at him he saw Seth staring back at him, and he knew without asking that the other teen had been shaken by the gunfire, had thought that Ryan was the one shot.

If Seth had insomnia he should have come out to pool house, Ryan thought with a frown.

_I picture you on the beach  
Lying in the sand  
Out of reach of my trembling hands  
I picture you in a car_

_Blonde hair in the wind  
I picture you in my arms  
And the touch of your skin  
The smile on your face  
The way that you taste_

Ryan paused at the door, unsure of what to do. If it was Sandy he didn't want to disturb him, and if it was Seth maybe Seth wanted to be alone, too. He put an ear to the door to listen, hoping to discover if he should knock or if he should creep away.

He thought for a moment he was going deaf because he couldn't understand the words he was hearing. Then he realized that it wasn't words…it was moaning. The thought flew through his mind that someone was hurt and his hand was on the knob and turning before he realized what kind of moaning it was.

He stilled his hand and started to twist the knob back as softly as he could when he heard Seth's voice. Instinctively he leaned closer to the door because it sounded like Seth was rambling, so maybe it was the bad moaning.

The incident with Trey had reminded him of the foolishness of charging into a situation unprepared and so he waited to hear confirmation of Seth's predicament. Not that Seth would be pleased to discover him out here, listening for confirmation that he was not moaning out of pleasure but out of pain. Ryan almost laughed at the thought of Seth's face, where he to open the door. But he shook his head and focused again, anxious to discover if he could go back to bed.

_Weird that he's listening to Chicago, if he isn't in any pain,_ Ryan thought. The sound of Seth's babbling started to calm Ryan, as it usually did. His eyes closed and he leaned his head against the door. When the song abruptly stopped he straightened up, but then the music came back on and he frowned as he recognized that it was the same song. Seth had simply started it over.

What on earth was he doing in there?

Ryan listened to the words of the song. It was about the guy, the one who isn't Peter Cetera, he thought to himself, and how he longs for this person that he can't have, once did, something like that. Anyway it was about longing, and seeing that person every time you close your eyes.

This was a weird song, especially for Seth to choose. He tuned into Seth's voice for a minute.

"Ah, you're a cruel one, Jason Scheff, yes you are."

_Seth knows the name of the singer?_ Ryan mused. _I never would have guessed that._

"You know it has to be this song, don't you? I know you're mocking me, laughing at the absurdity of it all. Oh I know it, you know it, and we all know it. But I can't help it. Ok, where are we? Mm-hmm, sure, we can go from the beach to the car, and the wind blowing through your hair? Totally hot, I can admit it…oh, the way that you'd taste, sweet Jesus, Moses and Abraham, yes, I want to taste you, yes, yes, yes.."

Ryan shuffled back into the kitchen biting back a yawn. He shouldn't have been surprised, really. Seth was the only person who could possibly babble his way to an orgasm. He got himself some more water and stood at the fridge, drinking it.

When he was done he rinsed his glass and turned around and walked back to the kitchen door, hand stopping on the knob as his sleep-addled brain finally awoke enough to fully contemplate what he had just heard.

"…the way that you'd taste," Seth had said. You'd…as in…_you would_. As in…someone he hasn't tasted. Huh.

Then the rest of the words of the song replayed themselves in his mind and he took a step backwards and looked over in the direction of the door.

And all he could think was--

Seth was in there thinking about someone with blonde hair…

Finis


End file.
